Holding Back
by SaturnXK
Summary: Because love wasn't supposed to hurt. And yet... it did. But this time, he was going to hold back just for her, no matter how painful it would be. – Adrian/Sydney.


**Another Sydrian story from me because I love those two. Thank you to all who reviewed my other Sydrian fic ^^**

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><p>Adrian Ivashkov was always used to getting his way. He was rebellious, uncontrollable, and sometimes just plain outrageous. But this time… this time, for the first time, he was going to hold back.<p>

When it came to women, Adrian was in his element. He knew all the best pickup lines. He knew how to charm them. He knew almost everything there was to know about hooking up with a pretty Moroi girl.

But she wasn't a Moroi.

She wasn't even a dhampir.

She was human.

This time, he was going to hold back. Because this time, she wasn't just a one-night party girl.

She was Sydney.

Just plain old Sydney.

It wasn't as if she was anything special. Sure, she belonged to an organization that detested vampires, but other than that, she was average. She was skinny, easy on the eyes, and she had a weird ability to memorize useless bits of information.

And she was also the most beautiful girl in the world. She was smart, spunky, intoxicating.

Adrian swallowed noiselessly as he stood in the darkness of her room. Gentle moonlight filtered in from the window, falling on the sleeping girl on the bed.

He didn't know what he was doing here. He had just... arrived. His aptitude at entering through a window had proven handy this time after getting bored of his own place and deciding to visit Sydney because he had nothing better to do. Of course, he had forgotten that as a human she would be asleep at this time of the night.

And so, he just watched her sleep, like the creepy pervert that he was.

To make matters worse, the tug that he felt towards her was unbearable. He _wanted_ her. He _wanted_ Sydney. But she was out of his reach, like a balloon floating high into the sky. He couldn't have her. Why?

Because she was an Alchemist.

Inter-racial affairs were sick enough as it was, but a vampire and an Alchemist? That was unthinkable. It was wrong, wrong, wrong.

Adrian had never wanted to defy rules more.

In normal circumstances, he wouldn't have cared. He would have jumped in and swept her off her feet already. Let others think what they would. But this time, he was going to hold back. For Sydney. He was going to hold back for Sydney.

Though Adrian wanted it, wanted to start a relationship with her, he wouldn't be so arrogant as to say that Sydney wanted it as well. For her, he would hold back, step back, and bury the feelings deep into his heart. Because it wasn't fair of him to burden her with the silly romantic notions that he was experiencing.

It hurt so much.

Adrian had already lost Rose and now he couldn't even have Sydney. He didn't want a repeat of the past, where just _seeing _Rose was agony, but now for Sydney to be the object of his suffering... he hated it.

A soft hand reached out to caress the glimmering golden tattoo on her cheek, but it hesitated. Adrian had moved forwards towards the bed, but he couldn't bring himself to touch her. The hand clenched into a fist.

He had always been weak-willed, but this time, he would be strong. He was not going to become a liability. He would not become a dead weight in Sydney's life.

He going to hold back just for her.

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><p>"Adrian?" Sydney said in concern. She watched as the vampire turned his green eyes towards her. Normally, they would be sparkling and filled with amusement. Not this time. This time, they were dull. Curiously so. "Adrian, are you okay? You don't look too good."<p>

The pair were sitting in a food court after Jill had begged them to go shopping. Jill had disappeared to go order some food, and Adrian and Sydney were sitting in a neutral silence as the mumblings of the crowd around them filled their ears. Sydney played with the straw in her drink and wondering why Adrian had been, strangely enough, avoiding her gaze all morning.

"Adrian," Sydney said, a bit more sharply this time. It wasn't like him to stay silent for long. "What's wrong?"

Adrian glanced up from where he had been staring at the table and gave her a wan smile. "Nothing's wrong."

His tone was flat and void of emotion. Sydney's worry grew.

"No, you're not. Are you sick or something?" she asked. She reached forward and attempted to feel his forehead, forgetting for a second that she was supposed to be afraid of him. However, Adrian jerked out of the way and said more forcefully, "No, Sage, I'm fine."

Sydney was quiet for a few moments and a troubled look crossed her features. "Don't – don't you want me to touch you?"

Adrian mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like, "You have no idea how much."

"What?"

A sigh. "Seriously, Sage. Chill. I'm fine. Stop fussing."

Sydney glared at him and folded her arms. Adrian released another breath and looked away.

The pair did not speak to each other for the rest of the day.

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><p>"Adrian, I'm sorry for pressuring you before," Sydney mumbled. The pair were standing outside Adrian's place, having dropped a confused Jill off with Eddie earlier on. Sydney wanted to talk to Adrian alone. It was early evening and the sun had turned the clouds gold.<p>

Adrian gave her a half-smile. "Not your fault, Sage. Besides, you were right. There _was _something up with me."

Sydney cocked her head.

Adrian leaned against the door, dragging a hand down his face.

"Adrian?"

Her voice was soft and gentle and soothing. No one had really ever spoken to him like that before, especially not in that tone.

"It's just..." Adrian drew in a ragged breath. "I'm holding back."

Sydney said nothing, but continued to listen patiently as if she understood what he meant.

"I'm holding back for a precious person."

Adrian looked up into her eyes, his expression tortured and upset.

"And... my chest... It really hurts."

If Adrian hadn't looked so wounded, Sydney would have panicked and demanded they drive to the hospital to check for a possible heart attack. But this time, even she knew it wasn't a physical pain. It was deeper than that.

"Why?" she asked quietly.

"I'm holding back," Adrian repeated. "I'm holding back for her."

Sydney bit her lip, then slowly, her arms wrapped around Adrian's stiff form. His body became rigid before relaxing slightly. Adrian rested his head on her shoulder. He didn't hug her back.

"I'm sorry," Sydney whispered. What else could she say? "I hope this... um, works out for you."

Adrian gave a dry chuckle. "You're so clueless, Sage. But thanks anyway."

Sydney drew back and Adrian smiled faintly at her.

_Just for you, Sydney. I'm holding back just for you, because you are the most important person to me. _

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><p><strong>Done ^^ I've left the ending open to imagination.<strong>

**Adrian is quite certain that Sydney doesn't like him back because she is an Alchemist. I laugh in his face and say, "Don't assume things, you moron."**

**Reviews are appreciated and very welcome ;D**


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